We know there’s a certain portion of the internet dedicated to stick shifters going where they shouldn’t, but we’ve never heard of someone trying to shove an entire transmission up their hoo-ha. Even Gwyneth Paltrow knows that’s a bad idea. So imagine our surprise when earlier this year, Jalopnik reported on a rubber dildo whose shape was scaled from a genuine cast of an R32 Nissan Skyline’s whole transmission.
Velvet Alley, the retailer and manufacturer of said monstrosity, has seemingly gone out of business now, but archived versions of its website still remain, confirming it could be ordered in various stiffnesses, and was made of hand-poured body-safe platinum-cured silicone and cosmetic grade mica. You could also choose from 25 different colors, and it was available in three sizes: small (5.2 inches long, min 2.5 inches circumference), medium (7.25×3.5 inches), and large (8.6×5 inches).
That’s enough internet for us today.
